[camera blinks on, revealing a fuzzy black screen. Muffled thumps and indistinct dialogue. A quick buzz of static, and the camera clears and focuses to reveal your favorite half-enderman, full-time menace chaos ruler, ars3nic. They have messy black-and-white hair, red and green eyes, and a crooked crown that wobbles like it’s not supposed to be there.]
ars3nic: Hey everyone! Welcome to my awesome new guide! Pretend not to be getting sick of my frequent posting. You might have noticed this guide is in video form. This is because we decided to try something new!
And totally not because they wanted to play Minecraft while pretending to pay attention.
ars3nic: I am paying attention!
[Frantic clicking can be heard in the background.]
ars3nic, slightly distracted: Anyways, you (hopefully) read the title and realized this was a guide on NPCs. There have been quite a lot of NPC posts, asking for things like personalities, gims, and quests. I checked out the other guides with “NPC” in them–
Because they’ll get flamed even more if they post a dupe
ars3nic: What do you mean even more–
ars3nic: Moving on! There weren’t any resource guides, so here are some ideas for sentries that will enlighten/confuse/please/infuriate the poor, innocent, defenseless people playing your game!
ars3nic: Editor, start the guide!
[The screen blinks out for a few seconds. Footsteps and a curtain being swept to the side can be heard, along with sound effects that sound suspiciously like XP points in Minecraft.]
Woodland Sentries, 0:45 -- 3:23
ars3nic: This is a section for sentries that can be found in a forest or woodland area of a map where dangerous beasts like me will be waiting behind trees to pounce on you. Okay, first sentry!
ars3nic, whispering: Look it’s a chicken jockey!!
Editor: Ars, we’re still recording and you’re right next to the mic.
ars3nic: Whup.
[Computer scratches along the surface of a desk, away from the microphone. More clicking can be heard, along with Ars calling people muffins under their breath.]
Automated Voice: First sentry: Fox Spirit
Automated Voice: The fox spirit is a sentry that can be found deep in the whispering woods, tending to its small, organized den and hunting down rabbits and small animals. It can give the player of your game whispers and clues to lore, backstories, and important side tasks with its ancient wisdom. However, it calls for the small price of two mushrooms per quest.
Reader, if you’re not careful, you’ll be next! The fox also hunts off-topic muffins like the lot of you!
ars3nic: I’ve had a less-than-pleasant encounter with that guy…
ars3nic: Anyway, the fox’s personality is generally something like: hello my delicious friend how can I help you?
ars3nic: For the visuals, use Dodge but with translucent clouds (aka bushes or barriers) tinted a light shade of blue.
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Automated Voice: Second sentry: Vine Beast
Automated Voice: The Vine Beast is a formidable sentry that will attack if provoked. It will ask you to retrieve a heavy shard to awaken it. Once you retrieve the heavy shard, it will take control of the forest, and you must escape with your reward before the vines
You can make the Vine Beast with a bunch of groundbreaking plants and basketballs tinted black for the eyes. I had these things from an old experiment, so here’s the general gist of it:
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ars3nic: Don’t mind the labels, I like to stay organized.
Thanks for telling me, I wouldn’t be able to tell from how your room looks.
We don’t talk about that! Remember last time?
How did that random cat even get in your closet?
ars3nic: THEY DON’T NEED TO KNOW THAT!! Editor, CUT THAT OUT!!
Editor: Sorry, the video clipping… doesn’t seem to work.
[Frustrated screaming and mischievous giggles are caught by the mic, along with “Mask” playing top volume on a stereo set.]
ars3nic: SoMeOnE tUrN oFf ThE sTeReO
Automated Voice: Third sentry: Forest Sprite
Automated Voice: The forest sprite is an adventurer that found their place in the forest. They can enchant your items, giving them buffs. They are very gentle, kind, and peaceful. Much of their payment is asked for in the form of flowers and light shards. The forest sprite can also show you underground shortcuts to other areas of the map if you are polite to them. These shortcuts can be implemented [1] by using a short path and then hidden teleporters disguised by a crystal wrapped by vines.
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So that’s how you jumpscared me the other day!
Yeah, “polite” isn’t exactly your strong suit.
Hey!
ars3nic: I’m not lying. Anyhow…
[The stereo set blinks back on and blasts random songs from 2018 louder than humanly (or humanely) possible. Heavy thumps can be heard, along with the shuffling of fabric and heated dialogue. The music is now slightly muffled, but still ear-shattering.]
ars3nic: Someone throw this [censored] stereo out the window and get me three cups of coffee!
Editor: LANGUAGE, ARS!
ars3nic: Sorry… unhinged laughter
ars3nic: Okay, that’s enough sentries for the Woodland Section. I have a migraine.
Mountain Sentries, 3:23 -- 5:06
[The camera blinks on after a few brief seconds of darkness. Ars turns the camera toward their face. They’re sipping coffee casually from an illegally large mug and their crown is so crooked it’s a miracle its not falling off.]
ars3nic: Well, we’re back. After a few hours of technical difficulties, fridge rummaging, and suffering. Onto the mountain sentries.
Also, ignore the broken pieces of a certain stereo set on the floor. Ars lost their temper when it started playing Taylor Swift.
ars3nic: The thing has to know where to stop.
Editor: You two… this is why we can’t have nice things.
ars3nic: You say that while your library is the size of the Buckingham Palace and we’re literally sitting in a gaming room the size of a small house.
Editor: sigh who taught you to argue this well? I need to find them and take some lessons myself.
Automated Voice: Fourth sentry: Necromancer
Automated Voice: The Necromancer is cunning, manipulative, and very, very clever. They–
Somewhat like Ars when they want food.
ars3nic: Let it finish
Automated Voice: They usually want nothing to do with players, but when they need things like mountain herbs or enchanted water from the forest, they are willing to assist players in their quests. The Necromancer is cold, direct, and regal. They can summon skeletons if you say the wrong thing, but if you flatter them they may give you a small portion of their immortality potion. The gim recommended to use is Kynami and the skeletons should be Bones. The immortality potion will temporarily give you damage and speed buffs along with taking less damage from other players.
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ars3nic: Trust me… be careful around this one. It’s not fun to be chased by an army of skeletons in the dead of the night. I know from experience.
Heheh
It’s not funny, you muffin.
Automated Voice: Fifth sentry: Lost Explorer
Automated Voice: The lost explorer is, honestly, a little slow. They’re quick to defend and get mad, but slow to accept advice from you. They’re a completely useless sentry, but if you listen closely enough they can drop some big details that they’re too simple to understand. The gim that is recommended to use is Puffer.
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Hm, that sounds like someone I know.
ars3nic: nervous laughter yes, who could that be?
I think we all kn–
ars3nic: MOVING ON
Automated Voice: Sixth sentry: Scavenger Beast
Automated Voice: The Scavenger Beast is feared throughout the lands as the most ruthless and mysterious monster. It is almost never seen in sunlight and speaks only in nonsensical growls. The beast is constantly hungry–
Like Ars
ars3nic: Shush!
Automated Voice: The beast is constantly hungry and will accept food for the reward of a portion of its large jewel stash. It can be made with groundbreaking plants tinted black and glowing yellow barrier eyes.
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Editor: And that’s the conclusion of our mountain sentries section!
[The opening of jars can be heard after two pairs of footsteps fade away. The camera blinks off, and mischievous giggles can be heard.]
Additional Sentries, 5:06 -- 7:27
[Camera blinks on, and arguing can immediately be heard from the mic, echoing in the large room. Ars is gesturing wildly, their crown wobbling. Editor is trying to make peace. Slime is everywhere. After a few seconds, Ars reaches for the camera and turns it off.]
elevator music
[Camera blinks back on. Ars adjusts their crown and rolls their eyes. Editor is covered in slime. Uncontrollable laughter can be heard in the background.]
ars3nic: After some, um–
Editor: Difficulties.
ars3nic, glaring at the voice: Right. After some difficulties, we managed to clean up the game room, eat some much-needed food, and–
[They lift up an even larger coffee cup.]
ars3nic: Get some more coffee, we are in the home stretch of our video, with sentries that don’t fit anywhere else. I’ll probably make this a wiki so I can edit and add more sections.
Automated Voice: Seventh sentry: Tavern owner
Automated Voice: This gim is gruff, direct, and doesn’t sugarcoat anything. They know a lot about each place along with the other taverns and safe areas. They can lead you toward gadget-disabling games in a battle royale and hidden areas with medpacks and shield cans. However, if you speak to them rudely, they’ll kick you out and disable all safe zones around you. Any sentry can be chosen for this role. Some tasks that they will give include carrying something suspicious into a dark alley… maybe you shouldn’t do this one, or you could blindly follow directions. They will also ask for ingredients for their signature meals.
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I would carry that suspicious thing!
Editor: This is exactly why we don’t let you go to public gatherings alone.
ars3nic, chuckling: Ooh, cooked. Two more sentries, then I can go take a nap.
Pronounced, “Watch Minecraft Manhunt for the 300th time”.
ars3nic: It’s not the 300th!
Editor: Yet.
Automated Voice: Eighth sentry: Weird traveler
Automated Voice: The weird traveler always carries a neon red pouch with them. Always. However, they seem to have lost the precious thing inside it, so they will ask you to retrieve it. You have no option but to say yes. They are loud-spoken, a little cuckoo, and scream at random times. To scare away bears. Or so they say. They’ll grant you a gadget when you get back to them with the suspiciously furry thing in their pouch. Because yes, it’s totally legal to give kids weapons in these parts.
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ars3nic: I want a weapon!
Editor: No. You’re dangerous enough with your attitude.
ars3nic: I don’t have an attitude, I have a personality you can’t handle.
Editor, muttering: No one can handle you.
Automated Voice: Ninth sentry: Unregistered Alchemist
ars3nic: Ninth! The sum of the first three consecutive numbers, the square of a prime, and the only square that is the sum of two positive, consecutive cubes. And also the last sentry here, at least temporarily.
Forever, if you keep up your schedule.
ars3nic: eye roll whatever.
Automated Voice: The unregistered alchemist is an odd, eccentric, and overenthusiastic character who spaces out more than a lot. Their potions are powerful, sure, and always seem to be in test mode. If you ingest one of these, you either die a painful death, gain superpowers, or start glowing neon pink. Pick your poison.
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I want the superpowers.
ars3nic: Well, it’s a one in three chance. Are you reckless enough?
[Glass shatters in the background. Fire crackles, something explodes, and a fire alarm starts to wail. Ars stands up abruptly, their crown nearly falling off.]
ars3nic: Oh chicken jockey–
I think that’s your cooking.
ars3nic: Darn right it is. Bye guys!
[The camera clicks off, but not before a speaker starts to play “Wildest Dreams” out of nowhere and Ars starts screaming.]
ars3nic: Welp, that’s it for today. Hope you enjoyed this mildly chaotic video-form guide!
Did you get that speaker fixed?
ars3nic: Yeah. With a hammer and some explosives.
Editor: ARS WHERE DID YOU GET EXPLOSIVES
ars3nic: Don’t worry, they’re completely safe.
And once again, buy our merch! 100% of funds go to therapy for Ars!
ars3nic: One, I don’t need therapy. Two, since you’ve read all this, I would love some constructive criticism (or an insult, depending on how you see it). Thanks… muffins!
Side Note
This guide was really hard to make, what with the video format I’ve never tried before, and I had to strain what’s left of my brain to make it work. I would actually really appreciate it if you dropped a 
since I’m not that great of a guide writer anyway
Also, no one comments on my guides because I post them when everyone’s asleep >:3
ooh fancy word I hope my ELA teacher is reading this hey Ms. Marin can u give me an A for using that word ↩︎
