Feedback/ adding to game story

well, here I am again.. this time, not asking for design help nor thumbnails, but this time..LOREEEE!

here’s something to get those creative juices flowing:

Stuff

Arriving at work and huffing as the cold air seeps into your nostrils, you lumber over to Bob’s Mining Shop, your gear clanking along with you as the grass crunches under your boots. Bob doesn’t pay you much mind, just tells you to be careful as the mine is flooding, then hands you a pickaxe. Tucking the pickaxe away, you turn to the mine entrance: just a hole in the ground with a rope to climb down. Grappling the rope, you slide down as your hands heat up from the friction. You let go when your boots make a splosh. The water is up to your waist. Wading through the entry level, you approach the rickety old elevator that leads to the coal mines, and hold the button down when you enter. It shakes and starts up, but this time, it pauses. Then it drops, and fast. You hold on for dear life as the loud SCREEECH of the elevator colliding with the walls overflows your senses, and then it crashes, and your vision blurs as fire overtakes the elevator…

SORRY SORRY but I need feedback and to add on cuz…that’s it. AND IT’S SAD!

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Continuing from the lore:
(is short because I have homework I still need to do)

:3

You open your eyes and get blinded by bright lights. Dark shapes move around you.
You attempt to open your eyes. Doctors are looming around you attaching needles to you. “Fire…disastrous…all through the city…” are snippets that you hear.
Apparently the fire was not caused naturally…
Sitting up–and being pushed back down–you think of any way other than naturally caused, that the fire originated from.

I’ll add more tomorrow… sorry :0
Dunno if I did any of it right…


Oh and adding on to what clay4brainz said: you get trapped in the collapsed cave while the terrorists are trying to break in.

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How about after what silly_alien said, but then you could be attacked by terrorists or something and you escape and find a gadget but the entrance is caved in from a blast and then your searching for a new way out as the terrorists hunt you down. :thinking:

If your using my idea here’s a quick sketch from notability

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Hmm. Interesting approach! Terrorists.. I think I’ll add that later in the game! Right now you wake up and go explore an old mine as an unknown spirit who communicates through vague red writing guides you, and end up going SO deep that you find gasp an ancient city? I think you’ll go through the ancient city, and end up at the surface and have to get rid of the terrorists and find the people the spirit has been guiding you toward! ok I think that made no sense I’ll break it down

  1. Ya wake up and explore mine
  2. Fall down a weird trap and find an ancient city
  3. Explore ancient city, find gadget, make it to surface.
  4. Get rid of terrorists, and save da people!
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You also have good ideas Thebananaman

Well I need to go for a sec I’ll be back in 10 minutes see ya soon

I’m back

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I’m back guys it took longer than expected

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im just gonna try to write a short story might take a while
should be good practice for when i need to write narratives in english
i’ll try and expand it as much as i can

draft

=============== PART I ===============

I never knew why I decided to choose mining, when I could have went to somewhere like NASA and have so much more fun.
Its what I chose, so I guess its what I have to live with.
I get to work, grass crunchy, air cold, and sky gray. Everything is tinted blue because of the cold. These mines are located in the middle of the forest, so driving here was quite the task. Ten hours of painstaking work, for only fifty bucks. I sigh. Its not fun, but its the best I can do to pay the rent. Up ahead I can see Bob waiting for everybody to check in with him.
“You’re late.” Bob tells me.
“Yeah, I know. The road was slippery.” I explain.
“I guess I’ll forgive it.”
He hands me my pickaxe without a word. It’s clearly been worn down from years of use. The handles rough in my hand and the head is dented from hitting so many ores.
Walking down the dirt path, I see the entrance to the mine. Just a hole in the ground, with a rope held up with some rickety wood structure. If I didn’t know any better, I’d have thought that rope would give out the moment I touched it. But, its been stable for years, so I should be fine.
I put on my gloves, and grapple the rope. Sliding down, my body heats up, a nice contrast to the earlier freezing weather outside. I drop down a bit too early at the end of the rope and hit the ground. Hard, groaning in pain from the impact. There’s a puddle below me. The water didn’t help at all, the splash echoes throughout the damp cave. I can at least see, since everything’s lit up with dim torches.
Nobodies over in this part of the mines, since its already been sucked dry of valuable ores. Everybody’s in the lower section, where the good stuff is. I walk on the wet stone, steps clear and heavy, heading towards the elevator that’s slightly sturdier than the rope. Just like the rope, this ones been used for years. Just about everything in these mines have been used for centuries.
I get in and press the button to go down. It shakes a little bit, and doesn’t move.
Strange, it usually works just fine. The shaking is normal, but it never just… Doesn’t work.
I wait for a bit and press the button again. This time, it moves an inch before stopping again.
I guess the elevator just doesn’t work. I’ll just take the other path then. I reason.
But, I don’t have time to get out of the elevator.
It starts shaking and I freeze. This time, it sounds bad. Like the elevators finally given up.
And then, suddenly, the rope snaps.

=============== PART II ===============

The elevator falls, and it falls fast. I try and keep steady, but I can’t and soon enough I fall and hit the roof, head blaring in pain from the impact. The screeching hits my ears like a freight train as the walls collide. I can feel and see the fire spreading across the elevator, and panic surges through me as my eyes start to close. I don’t want to faint, but there’s nothing I can do about it, and I black out.

.

.. drip ..

splash-

I wake up with a start, a drop of water fresh on my head. I can see the roof of some sort of cave, the elevator chute right above me. I’m stuck in a charred pile of ash and wood. Grunting and shaking the pile, I try to escape making an ruckus so loud that I’m lucky there’s nothing dangerous come to get me yet. Hopefully.
Eventually, I get the splintered wood off me and I get up, although its hard with all of the injuries I’ve sustained.
Surveying the place I’m in, I quickly realize that I’m in a region that I’m unfamiliar with, and that’s not good.
I take a deep breath, and realize, Well. Guess the only thing I can do is explore.
And so I do. Its tiring and painful, but I do it.
This place is dark and damp, and my saving grace for that is the lamp on my hard hat. Luckily, its still intact, somehow.
Its all stone, with barely any ores in sight. This place is ginormous, the emptiness of it making my steps echo all throughout the cave. There’s some stalactites up on the roof of the caverns, but it doesn’t look like they’ll be falling down anytime soon.
Looking at the ground, there’s some strange looking structures. They look like a civilization from the past.

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Wha- HOW THE HECK THAT IS AMAZING edwijcvnjivbwsaijdancjinasucjadbcih
Darn brother I need to step up my story writing game..I might as well help you continue.

Part II starter

After shaking off the rubble of what was supposed to be the elevator, I try and get up..but the pain across my back flares up, and I have to promptly sit back down. It seems like I’ve sustained burns..but I need to get up and move. Trying to grab on to some piece of rubble sticking out of the elevator, I grunt and whimper like a child, trying to not cry from the intense agony the burn is putting me through. I guess 10 years of mining coal didn’t really help. After what felt like centuries, I managed to stumble my way out of the elevator, and gauge my surroundings. It seems like this was one of those decades old lead mines, judging from how old stuff looks. Right in front of me is a barrel crawling with moss, and right on top of it is a lantern…that, unnaturally, is lit. But that’s not of any concern to me right now, so I limp forward, and after a moment, the calming sound of rushing water is made available to me. Continuing the painful walk, a come across an even wider cavern, which contains a swaying, broken, and wet wooden bridge being sprayed by a waterfall. I try to look for any other way to continue on, but.. this is my only choice. I sit down, knowing that the state I’m in won’t allow me to proceed for a while.

(Ok I AM BACK PEEPS WOOO)

(14 hours in the future me) Hey everybody! Its me. Obviously. Wow. Crazy. Anyways. I am here to tell all y’all, whether you are human, dogs wearing party hats, cats playing banjos, or parrots screaming “POLLY WANTS A CRACKER” over and over again, that A Miner’s Limbo (my game) is ready to be published! Woohoo! :partying_face: I’ve got all the lore figured out for the first segment of three in the game, which means its time for.. MORE STORY WRITING!!! The second segment of the game is called “The Ancient City”. The miner has recovered from his burns, did a little parkour, found a secret trap that he fell into, and found the entrance gates to the ancient city! Do with that what you will for your story.

sorry this was so long

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